Thursday, May 3, 2012

Swampy Butt

Went to try on shorts because it is quickly becoming sweltering in Charleston and I don't have any non-workout shorts.  Seriously, hard to believe when I live in  a town that is warmer than the sun most of May-Sept., but I've made it through the last 7 summers in dresses or sweating profusely (what we here refer to as Swamp A**) in jeans.  When I was younger I refused to wear shorts because I hated the way they looked, not because of the size of my legs, but because of their translucent, terrifying see every blue vein and purple spot color.  However, one of the benefits of being older, I don't care what others think, it is hotter than Hades!
So after numerous stops I am home sans shorts.  Why?  Well because it turns out they now only make two types of short.
1. Booty shorts so ridiculous they should only be worn by hookers on Spruill Ave (insert name of your town's street walker drive here).  I am pretty sure my underwear would hang out the bottom of those things.  So buy smaller underwear you say, nope because then my butt fat would be dangling out, flab cheeks, yuck!  Not happening, nobody needs to see that. 
2. Knee length shorts that are appropriate to outfit a women's rugby team (every single one of my lesbian friends owns them).  I mean I love my girls and love supporting them and all  - I'll be at Pride & Big Gay Beach Day like it is my business.  However, I don't need to look like them, or more people to mistakenly assume I am gay by association.  FYI- I'm not, but with shorts like these you'd be hard pressed to convince anyone of that.
I give up!  Shorts suck, my butt may be swampy all summer.

About to go for a run.  Had a good 5.5 miler yesterday.  Today will be a bit slower, but hopefully with some intervals thrown in.  My recovery version is jog the song, speed it up (I shouldn't call it sprinting) for the chorus.  Works fabulously with my trashy iPod music.  However, first I had to eat everything in sight.  That's 2 days in a row with unquenchable hunger.  Usually it doesn't happen that way.  Urrggg…2,000 calories instead of 1,600 boo.   However, when I hit 1,400 calories and was still famished I really wanted to try this recipe because I love cookie dough.  I restrained though and had some string cheese, an orange, and too many pop chips.  Amazing.  I'm still going to write that up as a little victory.  Too many calories, yes, not eating thousands more in cookie dough, baby steps.
 P.S.- What I can home to find dripping in the dishwasher.  (Hello prerinse, meet creepy roommate, obviously you are not acquainted.)  There were measuring cups and pans like this too.  Vomit.  It's awesome playing mom to someone you didn't give birth to (insert dripping sarcasm here).   
P.P.S.- When you Google pictures because you want visuals, but you forgot to take them while you were trying on the actual shorts... Don't attempt to find pictures of knee length shorts by typing in "Lesbian shorts".  Not what you intended to see.  Yikes!

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